Where Does The Good Go - Tegan and Sara
Wednesday, September 16, 2009 by Genre
After watching one and a half episodes of “Obsessed”, here is a list of things I am compulsive about:
Being on time. When I am anticipating being some place, or expecting someone, I am completely obsessed with being on time. I can’t stand being early because I can’t occupy myself. The feeling of standing around waiting makes me nervous, makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable, makes me feel like I don’t belong in the place that I am, and I feel like every person present is watching what I’m doing. I can’t stand being late because I feel as if I’ve let every person present down, I’ve inconvenienced people, I’ve made a bad impression. Most of it is a self-image problem. I am extremely aware of how I present myself in the world, and I can’t stand feeling like I am not presenting a well put together image of myself. My punctuality is -in my mind - a direct reflection of that image. I put each clock that I look at a few minutes ahead, just to ensure that I don’t run late, and that I am early enough that I can take my time and not have to rush around trying to be on time. I ensure that each of those clocks are synched within a minute of each other daily as well.
My hands. I have a huge compulsion with the cleanliness of my hands. According to my mother, it started when I was a baby -when I would eat, I would have my hands wiped after each bite, I wouldn’t take another bite until my hands were clean. Playing in the dirt? My hands always were spotless. I wash my hands after waking up, before touching my toothbrush, before shaving, before getting into the shower, after getting out of the shower, before washing my face, after washing my face, after getting dressed, after doing my hair, before grabbing my keys, before I leave the house, I wash them when on break at work, before i come back from break, when I get home from work, before I eat, after I eat, after touching my cat, before going to bed. There are too many times to list or even consciously recall. My hands have to be clean.
Twisting caps. When twisting any kind of cap, I have to twist it a minimum of three times, maximum 5 times. What counts as a twist? When you release the cap and grasp it again to continue turning it. If I screw up, I tighten it or take it off and try again. Needless to say, after I finally open my Snapple, it does not get re-capped.
Multiples of 5. I have to have my alarm go off at a time where the minutes are a multiple of 5. I have to leave the house at a time where the minutes are a multiple of 5. If I miss that multiple of 5, I have to wait until the next one comes. Bus schedules were very difficult for me.
People. I’m not sure if this counts as an actual obsessive compulsion but… If I have someone on my mind, any one of my friends, family members, work, anyone with access to an indirect means to contact me (phone, facebook, etc) I constantly check to see if I have heard from them. I will check my phone, anticipating a text or missed call, a voicemail, a facebook message -anything. I will do this repeatedly until I finally do hear from them, and then I can relax until the next time I’m worried about them. Boyfriends, best friends, friends in general, clients, parents, work, usually it’s people I’ve seen recently or miss a great deal. Rarely ever do I go and make the initial contact so this drives me crazy until I get word from them, and they have no idea about it.
Those are the only things I can think of at the moment. I’m sure there are more things that I could always add.
Being on time. When I am anticipating being some place, or expecting someone, I am completely obsessed with being on time. I can’t stand being early because I can’t occupy myself. The feeling of standing around waiting makes me nervous, makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable, makes me feel like I don’t belong in the place that I am, and I feel like every person present is watching what I’m doing. I can’t stand being late because I feel as if I’ve let every person present down, I’ve inconvenienced people, I’ve made a bad impression. Most of it is a self-image problem. I am extremely aware of how I present myself in the world, and I can’t stand feeling like I am not presenting a well put together image of myself. My punctuality is -in my mind - a direct reflection of that image. I put each clock that I look at a few minutes ahead, just to ensure that I don’t run late, and that I am early enough that I can take my time and not have to rush around trying to be on time. I ensure that each of those clocks are synched within a minute of each other daily as well.
My hands. I have a huge compulsion with the cleanliness of my hands. According to my mother, it started when I was a baby -when I would eat, I would have my hands wiped after each bite, I wouldn’t take another bite until my hands were clean. Playing in the dirt? My hands always were spotless. I wash my hands after waking up, before touching my toothbrush, before shaving, before getting into the shower, after getting out of the shower, before washing my face, after washing my face, after getting dressed, after doing my hair, before grabbing my keys, before I leave the house, I wash them when on break at work, before i come back from break, when I get home from work, before I eat, after I eat, after touching my cat, before going to bed. There are too many times to list or even consciously recall. My hands have to be clean.
Twisting caps. When twisting any kind of cap, I have to twist it a minimum of three times, maximum 5 times. What counts as a twist? When you release the cap and grasp it again to continue turning it. If I screw up, I tighten it or take it off and try again. Needless to say, after I finally open my Snapple, it does not get re-capped.
Multiples of 5. I have to have my alarm go off at a time where the minutes are a multiple of 5. I have to leave the house at a time where the minutes are a multiple of 5. If I miss that multiple of 5, I have to wait until the next one comes. Bus schedules were very difficult for me.
People. I’m not sure if this counts as an actual obsessive compulsion but… If I have someone on my mind, any one of my friends, family members, work, anyone with access to an indirect means to contact me (phone, facebook, etc) I constantly check to see if I have heard from them. I will check my phone, anticipating a text or missed call, a voicemail, a facebook message -anything. I will do this repeatedly until I finally do hear from them, and then I can relax until the next time I’m worried about them. Boyfriends, best friends, friends in general, clients, parents, work, usually it’s people I’ve seen recently or miss a great deal. Rarely ever do I go and make the initial contact so this drives me crazy until I get word from them, and they have no idea about it.
Those are the only things I can think of at the moment. I’m sure there are more things that I could always add.