Words Do No Justice

I was supposed to meet a friend today and spend the day with her. I woke up in a bad mood, and it hasn't gone away. I know I'm going to be a jerk today, and I'm not going to be any fun. I cancelled our plans, and I'm going to spend the day making different designs for my business cards. I want them to look perfect. This is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I'll be glad when I'm finished.

I haven't blogged in a few days. Not a lot has happened though, really.

Monday I had off work, so I stopped in at work to pick up my pay cheque, which hadn't arrived yet. Fucking great. I figured it would arrive the next day and went to the bank to pull some cash anyway. I hate the service fees my bank charges, they really should get some ATMs. I went to see Leonard at Jaisel and I tried on several pairs of jeans. I wanted to look good in them so I was pretty picky, which frustrated Leonard; I could tell. Things weren't as bad as I thought they'd be seeing him this time. I think emotionally I've gotten over him, but psychologically I'm still attached. At least that's progress. I left Jaisel to wait for the bus, but as I stood there, I said to myself, "No, I'm not leaving him this time with just a 'Take care'". I walked back and asked him for a hug. I'm glad he gave me one, even though it didn't feel the same. It seemed forced on his part. I don't know if we're going to be friends for a while yet. I think we both need more time apart. He just doesn't seem interested in talking to me at all lately. It's like he's pushing me out of his life. I'll get over it, just like I do everything else. I saw Ashley that evening, god I missed her so much. Seeing her again was so refreshing. I missed her laugh the most. I saw Devon too that night. It was the first time I've seen him in 3 years. It was so strange, we've both changed so much but nothing was different at all. I'm glad him and I are on good terms, I don't know where I'd be without him to be honest. Monday was a very good day.

I am poor. I barely have enough money to pay rent and my phone bill. I'm going to have literally $12 to my name until next payday.

I don't think I'm going to make it to Nicole's party at the Ranch. I have to be at work the next morning for 8:00am, and I have to be there until 5:00pm. It's a long shift and I haven't been sleeping much as it is. I don't think I can afford to lose even more sleep from being at the bar. Not to mention I don't drink anymore, and I only dance when I'm drunk. I feel like shit for probably not going because it's going to be the last opportunity for me to see Nicole until she gets back from Mexico and comes to the city. I hate not having her here anymore. It's actually so hard existing without my best friend. I need her to call me and say "get ready i'll be there in 5", I need her to tell me to shut the fuck up, I need her to text me about her problems. I need her, period. I have other reasons for not wanting to go to the Ranch, but they're better left unsaid at this point.

I saw some unsettling photos tonight. I'm not going to mention names or anything, but I am glad I don't have to put up with that anymore. Even still, I'm bothered by it. What's past is past and I'm not going to dwell on it. I have to stay true to my values though, and something as disgusting as that has to stay out of my life. I don't want to be involved with something so immature, so pathetic. This sort of thing is going on my list of "Things that must be addressed before any emotional attachment". I really hope you change. Not for me, but for you and your image. You're so much better than that garbage.

I haven't heard back from that potential job with the private studio. I'm not going to bother trying again. Shit happens, oh well. I'll take the next opportunity that arises.

I've been thinking of re-certifying myself as a swimming instructor. It was a decent job with great pay, and I wouldn't have to worry about making rent and phone every month. I don't know. I need time to think about it.

Six Word Memoirs:

Summarize your life up to this point in a 6 word phrase. Here's mine:
I am scared I will fail

I stopped in to work today to grab my schedule for next week and to get a phone number. My assistant manager was talking to me as I did so, and I told her about a job offer I received from a former coworker. It was the moment after when I realized how much I appreciate everyone I work with. She said, "Greg, can I give you one piece of advice? Don't let her use you. How much do you think your talents and skills are worth?". Honestly, that's probably the best thing she could've said to me, and I needed to hear that. I am so glad that this opportunity came my way. I am so glad that I've never woken up and said, "Fuck, I have to work today". I like how they look out for me at work. I'm the little guy.


An afternoon and evening full of chips, dip, cake, and movies. Definitely a day well spent and I wouldn't have ditched for anything else because this is what good memories are made of. I like your company, yes, you can consider me one of your true friends.


I meant it when I said I wasn't drinking again. I haven't since Globe, and I won't. I can't get mad at something and frown on it if I turn around and do the same thing. I can't stand being a hypocrite. I refuse to be a hypocrite. I have nothing to prove, it's just a self-respect thing.

I absolutely love this song, and this performance is epic as hell.

That's right, I'm listening to Sky. Remember them? I did yesterday.

I was late for work today, you're not going to believe me when I tell you why. Long story short, my bus got a flat tire. What? Yeah. Personally, I find this absolutely hysterical. We hadn't even made it further than a block from my house, so I walked home to wait for the next bus to come. This ordeal made me half and hour late for work.

I really wish I still had my Soul Decision CD. I miss singing along to that entire album.

I had another nightmare the other night, the same one as last time. I woke up in my shower in the basement, curled up on the bench. I'm getting worried and I have to find the root of the problem.

My friends really suck at commitment, but I'm glad the people who did show up to the bar came. We had a really good time and I wouldn't ask for anything else.

I think it'd be a good idea for me to title my blog entries with whatever song I'm listening to at the time I begin writing and the artist. Maybe it'll help set the tone, maybe I'll forget about the song completely and find it again!

I've noticed that I've always got music going. I never take the time to stop and appreciate how important music is in my life, and how thankful I am for what talent I have in terms of my musical abilities. I really am thankful that my parents refused to let my quit piano lessons when I was younger. I think music is a wonderful thing to lose yourself in, to help find some relation to your emotions, to dance to (although I do that badly haha); I could go on forever.

Today at work, I got graded by my superiors. I didn't do too badly, especially considering I've never really done portraiture before. Today was a good learning experience for me. I was shown the things I'm doing wrong, the things I need to improve on. I was shown examples of the proper way to do things, given ideas to work around tricky situations. I like being the youngest one in my workplace because everyone else has more experience than I do. Every day I learn something new at work and I know that won't ever change, because no matter how much I shoot, my experience will never surpass my coworkers. They all look out for me in a sense, the way they show me new poses, new prop positions, new ways of getting that perfect smile out of my subject(s).

I really do hope one day to open my own studio, or at least make a name for myself in the world of photography. I still have so much to learn, and who knows if this is the career I'm going to stick with. It may end up just being a hobby. Maybe one day I will return to psychology. Who knows what the future holds for me? Right now, all I know is that I have a passion for my job and I am going to pursue it for as long as I hold that interest.

Tomorrow is going to be an interesting day at work. I am going to put as many suggestions as I can that I received to use, and see how much I can improve. I've seen how much I've improved since I started at that studio, and I've come a long way, but I still have quite a road ahead.

This is my new blog.

I am not going to use this blog to pour my heart out into. I am not going to use this blog to sort my thoughts out. That is what my brain is for.

This blog is going to be a catalogue of my days.

I'm going to change my outlook on life and the way I do things for (what hopefully is) the better. This is the start of that process.

So why the new blog? I needed to start fresh. I needed a clean slate. This is my starting point.

Don't like it? Too bad.

I have never said "I love you" and meant it more than when I say it to you.