Paper Bag - Fiona Apple
Thursday, January 29, 2009 by Genre
I haven't blogged in a few days. Not a lot has happened though, really.
Monday I had off work, so I stopped in at work to pick up my pay cheque, which hadn't arrived yet. Fucking great. I figured it would arrive the next day and went to the bank to pull some cash anyway. I hate the service fees my bank charges, they really should get some ATMs. I went to see Leonard at Jaisel and I tried on several pairs of jeans. I wanted to look good in them so I was pretty picky, which frustrated Leonard; I could tell. Things weren't as bad as I thought they'd be seeing him this time. I think emotionally I've gotten over him, but psychologically I'm still attached. At least that's progress. I left Jaisel to wait for the bus, but as I stood there, I said to myself, "No, I'm not leaving him this time with just a 'Take care'". I walked back and asked him for a hug. I'm glad he gave me one, even though it didn't feel the same. It seemed forced on his part. I don't know if we're going to be friends for a while yet. I think we both need more time apart. He just doesn't seem interested in talking to me at all lately. It's like he's pushing me out of his life. I'll get over it, just like I do everything else. I saw Ashley that evening, god I missed her so much. Seeing her again was so refreshing. I missed her laugh the most. I saw Devon too that night. It was the first time I've seen him in 3 years. It was so strange, we've both changed so much but nothing was different at all. I'm glad him and I are on good terms, I don't know where I'd be without him to be honest. Monday was a very good day.
I am poor. I barely have enough money to pay rent and my phone bill. I'm going to have literally $12 to my name until next payday.
I don't think I'm going to make it to Nicole's party at the Ranch. I have to be at work the next morning for 8:00am, and I have to be there until 5:00pm. It's a long shift and I haven't been sleeping much as it is. I don't think I can afford to lose even more sleep from being at the bar. Not to mention I don't drink anymore, and I only dance when I'm drunk. I feel like shit for probably not going because it's going to be the last opportunity for me to see Nicole until she gets back from Mexico and comes to the city. I hate not having her here anymore. It's actually so hard existing without my best friend. I need her to call me and say "get ready i'll be there in 5", I need her to tell me to shut the fuck up, I need her to text me about her problems. I need her, period. I have other reasons for not wanting to go to the Ranch, but they're better left unsaid at this point.
I saw some unsettling photos tonight. I'm not going to mention names or anything, but I am glad I don't have to put up with that anymore. Even still, I'm bothered by it. What's past is past and I'm not going to dwell on it. I have to stay true to my values though, and something as disgusting as that has to stay out of my life. I don't want to be involved with something so immature, so pathetic. This sort of thing is going on my list of "Things that must be addressed before any emotional attachment". I really hope you change. Not for me, but for you and your image. You're so much better than that garbage.
I haven't heard back from that potential job with the private studio. I'm not going to bother trying again. Shit happens, oh well. I'll take the next opportunity that arises.
I've been thinking of re-certifying myself as a swimming instructor. It was a decent job with great pay, and I wouldn't have to worry about making rent and phone every month. I don't know. I need time to think about it.
Monday I had off work, so I stopped in at work to pick up my pay cheque, which hadn't arrived yet. Fucking great. I figured it would arrive the next day and went to the bank to pull some cash anyway. I hate the service fees my bank charges, they really should get some ATMs. I went to see Leonard at Jaisel and I tried on several pairs of jeans. I wanted to look good in them so I was pretty picky, which frustrated Leonard; I could tell. Things weren't as bad as I thought they'd be seeing him this time. I think emotionally I've gotten over him, but psychologically I'm still attached. At least that's progress. I left Jaisel to wait for the bus, but as I stood there, I said to myself, "No, I'm not leaving him this time with just a 'Take care'". I walked back and asked him for a hug. I'm glad he gave me one, even though it didn't feel the same. It seemed forced on his part. I don't know if we're going to be friends for a while yet. I think we both need more time apart. He just doesn't seem interested in talking to me at all lately. It's like he's pushing me out of his life. I'll get over it, just like I do everything else. I saw Ashley that evening, god I missed her so much. Seeing her again was so refreshing. I missed her laugh the most. I saw Devon too that night. It was the first time I've seen him in 3 years. It was so strange, we've both changed so much but nothing was different at all. I'm glad him and I are on good terms, I don't know where I'd be without him to be honest. Monday was a very good day.
I am poor. I barely have enough money to pay rent and my phone bill. I'm going to have literally $12 to my name until next payday.
I don't think I'm going to make it to Nicole's party at the Ranch. I have to be at work the next morning for 8:00am, and I have to be there until 5:00pm. It's a long shift and I haven't been sleeping much as it is. I don't think I can afford to lose even more sleep from being at the bar. Not to mention I don't drink anymore, and I only dance when I'm drunk. I feel like shit for probably not going because it's going to be the last opportunity for me to see Nicole until she gets back from Mexico and comes to the city. I hate not having her here anymore. It's actually so hard existing without my best friend. I need her to call me and say "get ready i'll be there in 5", I need her to tell me to shut the fuck up, I need her to text me about her problems. I need her, period. I have other reasons for not wanting to go to the Ranch, but they're better left unsaid at this point.
I saw some unsettling photos tonight. I'm not going to mention names or anything, but I am glad I don't have to put up with that anymore. Even still, I'm bothered by it. What's past is past and I'm not going to dwell on it. I have to stay true to my values though, and something as disgusting as that has to stay out of my life. I don't want to be involved with something so immature, so pathetic. This sort of thing is going on my list of "Things that must be addressed before any emotional attachment". I really hope you change. Not for me, but for you and your image. You're so much better than that garbage.
I haven't heard back from that potential job with the private studio. I'm not going to bother trying again. Shit happens, oh well. I'll take the next opportunity that arises.
I've been thinking of re-certifying myself as a swimming instructor. It was a decent job with great pay, and I wouldn't have to worry about making rent and phone every month. I don't know. I need time to think about it.